Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
