Duck Duck Cougar?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
