Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
