dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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