He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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