did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
