From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
