stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
