i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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