I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
