he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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