He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
