I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am in a vortex of obligation.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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