you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
