Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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