I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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