Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
