Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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