I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
