i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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