holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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