I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
