That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
