someone threw a dead crab at me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
