apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
