your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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