Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
