I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
