so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
