I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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