i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
