I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
