I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
