did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
