dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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