There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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