the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
