Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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