You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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