I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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