i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
