I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
