i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
