Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
