I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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