we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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