the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
