she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
