Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Randomize
