since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
