So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
