My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
