TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
