I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
