On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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